


I eat Kleenex for breakfist (a pizz poor attempt at crack)

by Koolkod72



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 1976, Drugs, I, ITS 2 AM, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), OF, Over, Remus Lupin (Harry Potter), Smoking, TikTok, WIP, Weed, Yorname, boof, did, girls, instead, simping, this, ur 16, weird ships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2020-05-25
Packaged: 2021-01-31 01:23:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21437875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koolkod72/pseuds/Koolkod72
Summary: Youre at the cures North American leg of their 2019 toure while  looking for a goth girl friend, ur friend boogie passes you the booF, you pass dafuq out and wake up with a weird old dude standing abouve you that kinda looks like dumbliedor from the Harry Potter books.You basically get teleported to the marauders era from smoking really bad weed at a cure concert
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald, Albus Dumbledore/Tom Riddle, James Potter/ Lily Evans, Peter Pettigrew/James Potter, Remus Lupin / Sirius Black, hagrid/ black lake
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS CRACK ALL MISTAKES ARE ACCIDENTAL AND PRUPOSEFUL. IM REALLY BAD USING THE GRAMMAR RULES CORRECTLY SO THERE IS SOME ACCIDENTAL MISTAKES I REALLY DONT GIVE A FUQ ABOUT A COMMA
> 
> If YOU SEE /* THIS MEANS AUTHOUR COMMENT*\

You hear Robert Smith sing with his beutimis vocals. You look at ur dumb friend boogie who’s smoking a boof.  
“Ayo y/n wanna hit!”

Of course you want a hit cuz it helps you feel better about all ur child hood trauma. You take a hit of the boof and pass dafuq out.

———-——(o^^o)らたはたらたなあらたやたなや

You wake up on some green soft grass to see some weird older dude who high key looks like dumb key door from the Harry Potter movies. You assume you’ve somehow made it to The Harry potters theme park in Florida.

The old man looks at you “ you obvious don’t belong here come with me and I’ll have my mediwirch look at you.”

You get up cuz why not, you look at him.  
“Ayo, beard man where dafuq am I. “

Why you’re at Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry of course!” You see a twinkle in his eye and feel a pressure surround your sinuses.

He walks you to what you assume is the hospital wing. A middle age witch walks up to you, asks you to lay on a bed. You lay on one of the hospital bed and immediately she starts throwing colours from her weird thin stick at you.

“Bro! Why are you throwing colours at me! What the fuc man.”

The middle age woman gives a worried look. “sorry about that, I’m just running some diagnostic charms on you, dearie!”

You look at her like bruh what, but you don’t say anything.

“ Well, It seems you do have some magic in you, I can see with my diagnostic spells that you have a very large magical core, it’s still growing. So I’m guessing, you’re around the age of 16 but, not quite 17, but you’re very close to maturing, magically. With the rest of my diagnostics tests I can conclude that there is trauma in your head and some substances in your bloodstream; but other than that Youre completely fine.”

“Wait did you say magiCk? Does that mean I can have a stick that shoots out colours, too.”

The middle aged lady looked at you strangely, “Honey, do you not have a wand?”

You look at her with wide eyes, “ Wait I can have a want I don’t have wand.”

Dubledor pulls a want out of his huge natural pocket, “ here ya go, I have a feeling this’ll be the perfect wand for you.”

You take the wand, memories that don’t belong to you suddenly flood flood your brain. The memories are a teacher teaching you how to use this wand.

“Lumos” the want lights up, you realize ur a magic user now.

“Oh my, we haven’t asked you your name yet how careless of us, we’ll I’m Madam Pomfrey.”

” I’m y/n l/n /* I always pronounce y/n like ya-n is that just me tho*\”

the bearded man looks at you “I’m professor Dumbledor, now would you like to attend this school y/n.”

you realise that being at a wizard school could be a very epickgaymer69 moment for you, “ Of course professor I would love to go to school here.”

beardman runs out of the infirmary, only to come back 69 seconds later with an ugly asf black hat that lols like what caricatures of witches would wear back in the day 🧙♀️.

”Lets get you sorted then , ya” he puts the ugly ass hat, that probably has mfing flea eggs on it from all the heads it’s touched, on your head

“ Bro wtf are you don’t here y/n” the hat says when it touches your head

the hats sus cuz the bats voice kinda sounds like ur friend boobies voice which is high key weird Ngl.   
“bruh boogie is that you, ur mfing boot sent me to hogwarts.”

”oh shit y/n you know my secret, anyway ur definitelie a GRYFINDOR.”

dumbles lifts boogie of ur greasyaf hair, like watch ur hair u Nast lazy hermit, “I have put an extra bed in the boys dorm of the dorms, so I hope you don’t mind rooming there.”

Dumbles leads you to gryndork tower, he shows you all around the flashy af common room and leads you to a dorm filled with 4 sleeping marauders. It’s then that you realize that not only have you been transported to a fictional world but you also have been transported to 1976 the year that the best band to ever exist in the history of punk rock X-Ray Spex formed this year in ur time line.   
  
you sit on the empty bed watching fumbles leave as a fat asf boy opens his curtains to look at you. “Bro, who dafuq are you!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol I forgot to change the posting date rip, I guess I did decide to continue this, wow! It’s currently 2 am and instead of simping over TikTok girls I’m writing this. Anyways like and comment cuz I probably won’t post again til whenever I post again
> 
> Y/n is very cheeky, anyways here’s everyone’s name  
Dumbles/Fumbles(Only is autocorrect has its way)/beard man/old man  
Sirius is bitch  
James is rat nest or ray nest cuz auto correct  
Peter is fat rat boy  
Lupin is scar face  
Lily is Idiot  
Enjoy the art

You look at the fat rat-boy,

“Who dafuq am I, I’m y/n l/n pleasure to meet you, fat rat-boy.”

”James do you hear this new kid, they’re ripping peter a new one aren’t they.” You hear a posh asf voice say.

”I-I-I’m Peter Pettigrew, pls don’t call me fat.”

” no fuck you, ur name is fat rat-boy take it or leave it.”

” Sirius your quite right this new kid is really ripping into peter.”   
  
you look at the two posh boys critically, you point to James, “ Imma call you rats nest cuz that hair, ion fuc wit dat.” James looks at you in disbelief. U point at what you assume to be Sirius, “ imma call you bitch cuz you look like a lil bitch” rat nest, bitch, and fat rat-boy look at you in disbelief.

”BRO SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SLEEPING.” you look to see a guy the one with scars on his face, you point at him and say “imma call you scar face” scar face looks at you in suprise.

” Guys who the fuck is that and why are they in our dorm.”

”chill moony it’s the new kid” bitch says.

You release a huge fart and scar face gives the air a sniff and makes a nasty face, “ok, what the fuck! Why do you smell worse than pads.”Scar face looks worried as he says this and bitch laughs.

“Before I came here, I had tons of fucking cheese. Lemme tell ya I’m a bit lactose intolerant. Hope your hungry cuz imma shit all day.” They all look at you and bitch laughs again.

”You and peter, Merlin.”

you’ve no idea who “Merlin” is, your confused to put it simply. You end up thinking that Merlin must be a god or something.

”who’s peter I only see you bitch, scar-face, Rat-nest, and fat rat-boy”

Fat Rat-boy looks like he’s gon cry. “Im going down to breakfast I can’t deal with them.” Fat rat-boy points are you and runs down stairs. ScarFsce is soon to follow him.

you decided that you want sleep, so you close the curtain around your bed and sleep.

^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^やおぃ✌︎('ω')✌︎^_^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^

You wake up ten minutes later and decide to go to the breakfast place. On your way there, you notice that someone put gifs in picture frames.u shrug it off cuz ur probably jus dreaming still.

you walk in the breakfast room, when you look up u see that someone is using a projector to make the ceiling look like de sky, you walk over to ur room mates. Scarface and Bitch are sitting closely together across from fat Rat-boy and Ray best who are also sitting very close together. U decide bitch is ur fave, and sit next to him. As u sit down, ur roomie mates go silent. you grab a orange juice pitcher and you start chugging it. Everyone at the table looks at you in disgust.

”WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOH DOING.” A ginger girl with no soul looks at you with dead green eyes.

”drinking orange juice idiot.” You’ve decided that her name is going to be idiot. You think she’s high key attractive but you are v intimidated, so you piss your self while you grab and chug a pitcher of pumpkin juice.   
  


“10 points from grifinhouse.” The redhead punches you and walks away. Fumbles comes and gives you a schedule, you don’t thank him, instead you eat ur boogers.   
  


DING DING

the bell rings and it’s time to go to class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really don’t know what y/n gender is, but If ur a girl, dumbles wanted to see if the marauders were sexist or not idk. If ur a boy it’s cuz ur a boy. But uhhh I think imma make y/n bi, like if I ever continue this I think Y/n might have a crush on lily and idk who, I’m not bi so irdk, comment who y/n should date and cheat on I guess. I probably won’t update for a while, I might release another fanfic, it’s werewolf Harry but not smut cuz ew, but uh I only have about 800 words written so I might just scrap that cuz there’s a lot of lore I’m forgetting and I don’t wanna reread the books

**Author's Note:**

> Probably not gonna update this much I’m an ap/pre-ib student so I’m like extremely lazy when I’m not doing homework, I wrote this cuz I had to get this idea down, ur pucking welcum


End file.
